Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
