And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
