apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
