So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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