well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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