dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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