pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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