when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
