THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
