Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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