dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I didn't notice because vodka
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
