Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
