please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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