There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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