Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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