Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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