Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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