Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
