sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
