just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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