he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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