Where did you get a picture of my penis
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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