Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
