i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
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Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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