she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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