Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
