My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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