I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
