I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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