And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
