i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
