Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
