Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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