That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
