we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
