Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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