K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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