The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
