HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
