You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize