u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
