I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
