Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
