I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
