i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
