I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
