On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
