i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
