well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
