I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
