don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
