the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
