Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
