so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
