I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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