yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
