He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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