My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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