I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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