You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
