i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
