i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
